Leaving: Saying Good-bye to Your Parents!

LEAVING

So long, See ya later, Good-bye!

What picture comes to mind when you hear these words? Your mom standing on the doorstep with tears welling up in her eyes? Your dad giving you a big, strong hug before you leave? A newly married daughter waving out the window as she is leaving the church?

Although some "good-byes" can be very joyful, they are usually quite emotional. Particularly when it involves a mother and father letting go of their son or daughter.

God's Word presents clear and concise directions concerning leaving. These Bible study questions are designed to encourage you to consider how Biblical principles could have personal application to you in your marriage.

Mark 10:6-10 (The Message)
⁶  In the original creation, God made male and female to be together.
⁷  Because of this, a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage
⁸  he becomes one flesh with a woman—no longer two individuals, but forming a new unity.
⁹  Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."
¹⁰  When they were back home, the disciples brought it up again.

Lets see if you can answer these questions as it relates to the Bible and your own marriage.

 1. Since when has "leaving" been part of God's design for marriage?

2. Why does the newly married couple need to leave their parents?

3. What did "leaving involve in your marriage?

4. If you had to leave all over again, what would you do differently?

In order to have a successful marriage a husband and wife has to LEAVE their father and mother and CLEAVE to each other. This is an important biblical principle that is left out of the pulpits in churches today that needs to be addressed. Once a couple is successful in doing this then and only then can the two become one flesh. 

We will more go more in-depth on the subject of cleaving in my next post

The Sanctity of Marriage: Part 2

The Sanctity of Marriage (continued)

Matthew 19:4-9

Christ said there is the creation of male and female: "God made them [Adam and Eve] male and female" (Matthew 19:4). He did not make them males and females, as He did animals, but He made one male and one female. Each one was made for the other. They were not made for anyone else, for there was no one else.

(19:5) Marriage— Divorce: Christ said there is the creation of a new family: "A man [shall] leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife" (Matthew 19:5). One man shall cleave to his wife and create a new family distinct from the family of his parents. He says a man, not men, and his wife, not wives. Note that a man leaves his father and mother. The union between husband and wife is to gain primacy over the union between parent and child. The union of cleaving is wrought by God and appointed by God. Therefore marriage is a divine institution. Just as parents and children are not to divorce one another, neither are the husband and wife to divorce each other.

Deeper thought

A Father, mother, and child comprise a unit, a family. However, Christ said father and mother are there when the child leaves. And the child (man) leaves to "cleave to his wife." There is no thought, not even a hint of separation in this statement. It is unquestionably a statement of God's purpose for father, mother, and child. The structure of the family is the means by which man is to carry out the purposes of God on earth. Divorce, tearing down the structure of the family, is not the purpose of God. The structure of a family—father, mother, and child—is the purpose of God.

(19:5-6) Marriage— Divorce: Christ said there is the creation of one body: "A man...shall cleave to his wife and they twain [two] shall be one flesh" (Matthew 19:5). There is the molding into one person. The man and the wife cleave to each other: "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh." What is it that makes them one flesh? Cleaving. They are one body, one flesh, one person. They are not joined to two or three or four other persons, but they cleave only to one other person.

Christ also says that a marriage joined together by Him is not to be destroyed by any man. "A man...shall cleave to his wife...wherefore [cleaving] they are no more twain, but one flesh [joined together by God]. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:5).

The points are clear.

1.  The cleaving husband and wife are joined together by God.

2.  No one is to cut asunder what God joins together. Neither the husband or wife nor anyone else is to step in between the two and cause separation.

Deeper thought

Note something of critical importance. By cleaving Christ does not mean what is often thought or pictured: cleaving does not mean taking hold of a wife by civil contract, embracing, or sexual union.

Note the words...

•  "cleaving"

•  "one flesh"

•  "what God hath joined together"

Spouses who are obedient to Christ by cleaving to each other—in all of their being and life, not only physically, but also spiritually—are the ones who become one flesh. They are the ones whom God joins together. A civil contract does not bind people together, neither does embracing and neither does sex. Only God can bind a couple together spiritually, and He does so because a couple is obedient to Him. He rewards and blesses obedience, not disobedience.

Note how the power of God is infused into a couple who obeys Him. He causes their cleaving to bind them so closely together they are as one person.

 (19:7-8) Marriage— Divorce: there is the ideal of permanence in marriage. The Pharisees had entrapped Jesus, or so they thought. Jesus had given four reasons why there was to be no divorce. He was standing against Moses. In their view Moses had given a commandment that allowed divorce (Matthew 19:7). Jesus says three things about the ideal of marriage.

1.  Moses made a concession.

2.  The reason: man's hard, sinful hearts.

3.  Divorce was never willed and was not the purpose of God.

Note three important facts.

1)  God's will for marriage was permanence. Divorce was permitted under Moses, but it was not God's will. It was sin, short of God's will and purpose.

2)  The cause for divorce is said to be hardness of heart—a very serious indictment.

3)  The union of marriage is not brought about by a natural law but by God. Marriage is not a law of nature, inherent within man. It is not something that operates by nature, that just happens because two people agree to live together and sign a civil contract. A true union or marriage that is joined together by God is a blessing, a gift of God. It is brought about because a couple is obedient to God. They live in and for each other under God (acknowledging God in all things), just as He says to live ("cleaving"). Therefore, God blesses them by joining them together in the most binding spiritual union.

It bears repeating: marriage is not a natural law; it is not a law of nature; it is a spiritual law that operates only if each spouse walks in the Spirit.

(19:9) Marriage— Divorce: there is the allowance for divorce—fornication. Christ says, "Whosoever puts away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another commiteth adultery...." (Matthew 19:9).

•  There is one clear reason for divorce: adultery.

Before Christ came into the world, adultery was punishable by death. Since Christ has come, the penalty has been changed. Divorce itself is to be the punishment, not death. (What an impact this change of law has made on societies in the past! How much it is needed in some parts of the world even today! Compassion is the answer to sin, not anger and wrath.)

Note the importance and high esteem that Christ places upon sex within marriage. It is so intimate and meaningful and important an experience that if it is violated, divorce is allowed. Note however: Christ did not say that divorce must take place. It is only allowed. If the couple has been living in Him and blessed by Him and the violated spouse cannot emotionally accept the unfaithfulness, divorce can take place. But if the offended spouse can forgive—if he or she can be emotionally controlled and forgiving enough to forgive—then the spouse should forgive.

The Sanctity of Marriage: Part 1

The questions regarding marriage and divorce are always burning questions; extremely controversial within societies heavily influence by Christian teaching. Opinions vary and interpretations differ. There is always the closed view that says divorce is never allowed by God no matter the cruelty and meanness that may exist. And there is always the more open view that says divorce is allowed if the rift between a couple is not reconciled and causes more damage than good. 

Christ gave guidelines concerning divorce. Some believe it to be the unpardonable sin and some use is as an escape rout to get out of a situation that may not be what they expected at the time of their marriage. 

Instead of focusing on the why and the what that caused such a serious decision to be made, let's focus on the people involved in this no-win situation. 

I believe that it is wrong not to face the issues of marriage and divorce, no matter the different opinions and practices of society. Why? 

There are always a large number of divorced people. Many of these people need help; desperately need help. Their faith, hope, security, children, and their whole lives have been drastically affected. If believers, God's people, do not open their hearts to them, then a great opportunity to reach out and help them grow in Christ is missed. 

Now that Christ did: He spoke up and taught about the issue and the issue was as controversial in His day as it has been in succeeding generations. 

The same two attitudes toward Christ prevail in every generation: there are those who sincerely seek the help of Christ; and then there are those who are always testing and questioning Him, stretching every inch they can out of the world and the flesh. They question and question, and by their questioning they are able to create uncertainty and doubt over right and wrong. They are able to live as they wish. 

Note the question asked, "Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?" The flesh says no matter how frivolous -- if there is displeasure, disgust, dislike -- then divorce is allowed. But is it? 

Read Part 2 Here

Linked up at Fellowship Friday