The 5 B's: A List To Help Strengthen Your Marriage

I have a terrible memory. Most days I walk into a room and can't remember what I was walking in there for. My forgetfulness has gotten so bad that my husband has suggested that I make lists for everything I do. If I write it down, then surely I can't forget it. Until I put the list down and then forget where I put it....

Lists are actually really helpful for a number of things in our lives. Marriage is one of those things. When we were writing our marriage vows, I made a list of all of the things that I loved about Billy and why I loved those things. I didn't really need a list to show myself how much I loved him but it helped me because I had all of the most important things all in front of me when I started writing. I have used this same idea to create a list of things I need to do in my marriage to keep it strong. 

Be Intimate

Some people get really excited at the word "intimate" while others shy away from it. Being intimate does not always mean having sex. You can be intimate with your spouse without sex. Some nights, after especially long days, I like to snuggle up next to Billy in our bed and just enjoy the feeling of being held in his arms. He's like a security blanket, sometimes. All I have to do is wrap myself up in him and I instantly feel better. He knows I'm tired, hurting, upset, etc., and I need the reassurance that even though everything else has gone wrong, he still loves me.

And sometimes being intimate does mean having sex. Paul mentions sex between husbands and wives in 1 Corinthians 7:3-7. He explains that husbands and wives should give to each other sexually and should not withhold sex from the other partner unless both partners have agreed. He also warns that you should not go so long without intimacy in your marriage that you allow the devil to step in and tempt you or your spouse. Husbands and wives should be intimate with one another because sex is a gift from God. It's another opportunity to show their love for one another in a way that is so private that no one else can see it. By continuing to have intimacy throughout your marriage, you are able to keep the devil from having a foothold and tempting you or your spouse with an option to get what you/they are not getting at home. 

"Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency"

 - 1 Corinthians 7:5 KJV

Be Supportive 

You should support your spouse in everything that they do. (Unless they're plotting to rob a bank. You probably shouldn't support that.) When you and your spouse get married you become each other's most important support system. You should be able to lean on each other and confide in each other. You should also lift each other up and encourage each other. When Billy makes decisions not just for us but for him, I try to make sure that he knows that I believe in him and I trust that his decision is the best one. Having confidence in your spouse, and showing them that you have confidence in them, can really lift their spirits and allow them to have more confidence in themselves.

Romans 8:31-32 poses the question, "If God is for us who can be against us?" and reminds us that God sacrificed his only son for us. These two versus can be applied (a smaller scale, of course) to marriage. If I am for Billy and we stand together, who can be against us? No one. That is because we are standing together as one flesh and we support each other in order to keep everything negative out. If you have a hard time supporting your spouse remember this; your spouse gave up their singular life in order to have a life with you. They sacrificed friends, family, dreams, and goals because they loved you so much that those things suddenly weren't as important anymore.

"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?"
-Romans 8:31-32 KJV


Be Forgiving

This is one of the most important "B's". It is also sometimes one of the hardest. One of the biggest things I hear from my friends when it comes to relationships is their issues with forgiveness. It's really hard sometimes to forgive someone who has really hurt you, especially when that person is the person that you love the most. And the ONE person in this world who isn't supposed to hurt you. Unfortunately, because we're human and we're all ugly sinners, we do end up hurting the ones we love. Just as we hurt God when we sin.

It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be hurting, frustrated, upset, annoyed. It's okay to walk away from the situation for a minute to think about things and give yourself time to deal with your emotions. But, in order to have a happy, loving, successful marriage, you have to be able to forgive your spouse and yourself. A wise man tells me quite often that holding a grudge and not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The only person hurting is you. And if you're hurting, you can't move on. And if you can't move on, your marriage will never grow. It will become a stunted flower in the garden and eventually wilt away. By not forgiving someone our hearts eventually harden towards that person and we begin to treat them and our relationship with them a lot differently. Maybe even ending it all together. Do not let your marriage suffer over something that can be forgiven. And if you're having a hard time forgiving your spouse for something, be honest with them about it. Most importantly, pray. Ask God for help and guidance in how to forgive.

"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." 
- Colossians 3:19 KJV

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
- Ephesians 4:32 KJV

Be Grateful

Realize how lucky you are to be married! Appreciate one another and the blessing that is your marriage! In Genesis 2:18, God said it was not good for man to be alone and he created woman to be a suitable helper for him. How amazing is that God created someone especially for you? How amazing is that he deemed you suitable just for your spouse? God is the ultimate matchmaker! Be grateful that he loves you so much that he took the time to create someone especially for you that would love you as he does. Proverbs 5:18-19 tells us to appreciate the time we have with our love while we have them.

Do not waste the time that you have together. You can't get it back, do it over, or ask for more when the time is up. When you're feeling cramped, smothered, and covered like a Waffle House hashbrown order, remember that God created you for your spouse and family and God blessed you with  your spouse and family. Psalms 68:6 tells us that God puts people together in families so that they are not alone. God wants us to be together and have families but you should be thankful and appreciative of your family or you could lose them.

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."
- Genesis 2:18 KJV

"Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."
- Proverbs 5:18-19

"God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land."
- Psalms 68:6

Be Content

Life is not perfect. Things go wrong. There aren't enough hours in the day. There isn't enough money to be spread around. The kids are acting up. The house is a mess. Your favorite band is in town but you have to work that weekend. Life gets in the way of everything. It's very easy to let all of the negative things in life get you down. It's also very easy to let those negative things in life get in the way of taking care of your marriage. Instead of focusing on all the negative things in life, focus on the positive. You were late to work today? That really stinks. But you made it to work. You were able to get up this morning and go to work. Some people wish they could complain about being late for a job. Look on the positive side of things and learn how to be content in the place that you are right now.

Billy and I rent our home. We love our little house and our yard and the neighborhood we live in BUT we eventually want to own a home; once we figure out where we want to live permanently. Sometimes it gets frustrating because there are things we want to do with or in our home that we can't because we rent. Sometimes we wished we lived in a different part of town. But we are both learning that until we learn to be happy with what God has blessed us with now, we will be stuck where we are. Instead of complaining about things we can't do right now, we thank God for our little house and our wonderful landlord and we put those things we want to do on a list for the future. We have to be happy where we are right now in our life in order to grow our marriage and make a better future for us and our children.

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."
- Philippians 4:11




Do you practice The 5 B's or something similar? What do you struggle with the most? How can you and your spouse help each other to practice something like The 5 B's?