"Til death do us part"...
It is not a cliche'
The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding. A successful marriage does not just happen. It takes alot of hard work...and commitment.
It is not uncommon to discover that while one spouse has struggled with leaving, the other spouse may find it difficult to cleave. And certain challenges may emerge at different stages in a marriage.
Here is the key passage on marriage in the Bible:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Let us learn what the word "cleave" means in the Hebrew language:
To cling
to follow hard
stick together
to abide
to adhere
This reminds me of the first time I used Krazy Glue. My mother told me not to get it on my hands but being the stubborn, hard headed child that I was mixed with a bit of curiosity did not listen to her heeding. I spent a few hours and a lot of pain trying to separate my thumb and forefinger from each other.
The word cleave in this context literally means to stick together but not temporarily...permanently like gluing two broken pieces to make one.
So why is divorce so prevalent in today's society? I believe it is because of two problems: one or both of the couple never really left and one or both of the couples never cleft. You MUST do BOTH to have a successful marriage.
In closing I would like to leave you with 7 ways to help a couple to be successful in cleaving to one another:
1. Make a commitment to one another for life. Agree that divorce is not an acceptable option and choose to work out disagreements and difficult situations.
2. Reserve the expression of your sexuality only within your marriage. Don't go looking for new and exciting, make your own new and exciting.
3. Be content with what you have and do not try to live above what you can afford. Most marriages end over two things and one of them is MONEY. Don't take on more debt than you can afford and quit trying to keep up with the Joneses. They are not as happy as they appear.
4. Make an effort to prevent other people, activities, or responsibilities from infringing on time spent with one another. This can be a difficult one because today most couples both have to work to make ends meet but make time for your spouse and family. Don't look for reasons to be away from them.
5. Forgive one another before walls are built between you. Be honest with your spouse. If your spouse has hurt you in the past, forgive then MOVE ON. You can not move on holding in past hurts and holding grudges. It is impossible. When your spouse confides in you about past hurts or situations, don't go blab them to your girlfriends (or guy friends). Listen to them, thank them for trusting you and let them know you do not judge them for past mistakes.
6. Do not seek revenge from past hurts to retaliate against your spouse. I hate to bust your bubbles but EVERY couple is going to have a disagreement or an argument during there marriage. Tiffany and I have a rule that we try to adhere to but sometimes it is difficult. Anything that has happened 24 hours ago is of limits in any argument or disagreement. This rule helps not bring up past hurts because as you know words hurt worse than physical attacks because you can not take them back after you say them.
7. Last but not least, put God first in your marriage. God should be your highest goal to reach as a couple. How do you do this? You have to love God more than your spouse, more than your parents, even more than your children. This is hard for some but you also have to love God more than money. The Bible tells us that the love of money is the root of all evil, not money is the root of all evil. You have to have money but don't let money have you!
Today is the day to change the direction of your marriage if it heading in the wrong direction. Recommit yourself to your spouse. Rebuild a lasting love relationship with your spouse. Most of all start putting God first in your marriage and you will see a huge difference in how your relationship will grow into the beautiful union that God intended.
This is the way marriage needs to be defined, Billy. If all couples were committed to God and lived under His ways, we would not have 50% + divorce rate. My husband and I married at ages 45. (I had been married for 10 to a non-believer as was I for ten years. Then I was living divorced for another 13.) My husband and I will be married 22 years in May, 2015, and I came to know Jesus as my Lord 22 years ago as well.
ReplyDeleteKen and I have lived with truth and openness. We agreed from the get-go to not spend more than $100 on one item without talking to the other person about such a purchase. We would decide together about moving forward on that. We agreed to never go to bed at night without clearing the air if there was a problem. We had a few others and have lived by them, walking in peace in this house. I am so grateful for this man and for God being our Lord of All.
I am glad you are my neighbor at Weekend Brew.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Linda, congratulations on 22 years of marriage! We have a similar agreement on money and we always try our hardest not to go to bed angry. The Bible even says not to let the sun go down on your wrath. Sometimes we stay up all night just to work things out! Best of wishes to you and your husband! Thank you for stopping by!
DeleteBilly,
ReplyDeleteThanks for introducing yourself over at my blog...wonderful thoughts on marriage...my husband and I have been married 23 years and it has been God's grace as we've learned to adapt to each other...and yes, avoid debt as much as possible.
Blessings,
Dolly
Excellent post Billy and Tiffany. I liked the way you placed God as the 7th way. That puts God fresh in the mind of the readers. We know without consulting the Lord in all affairs the difficulties of life will destroy us. I grateful to see Christ working in your lives. Have a loving and peaceful week.
ReplyDelete