"Til death do us part"...It is not a cliche'

"Til death do us part"...

It is not a cliche'

The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding. A successful marriage does not just happen. It takes alot of hard work...and commitment.

It is not uncommon to discover that while one spouse has struggled with leaving, the other spouse may find it difficult to cleave. And certain challenges may emerge at different stages in a marriage.

Here is the key passage on marriage in the Bible: 

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

Genesis 2:24 (KJV)

Let us learn what the word "cleave" means in the Hebrew language:
To cling
to follow hard
stick together
to abide
to adhere

This reminds me of the first time I used Krazy Glue. My mother told me not to get it on my hands but being the stubborn, hard headed child that I was mixed with a bit of curiosity did not listen to her heeding. I spent a few hours and a lot of pain trying to separate my thumb and forefinger from each other.

The word cleave in this context literally means to stick together but not temporarily...permanently like gluing two broken pieces to make one.

So why is divorce so prevalent in today's society? I believe it is because of two problems: one or both of the couple never really left and one or both of the couples never cleft. You MUST do BOTH to have a successful marriage.

In closing I would like to leave you with 7 ways to help a couple to be successful in cleaving to one another:

1. Make a commitment to one another for life. Agree that divorce is not an acceptable option and choose to work out disagreements and difficult situations.

2. Reserve the expression of your sexuality only within your marriage. Don't go looking for new and exciting, make your own new and exciting.

3. Be content with what you have and do not try to live above what you can afford. Most marriages end over two things and one of them is MONEY. Don't take on more debt than you can afford and quit trying to keep up with the Joneses. They are not as happy as they appear.

4. Make an effort to prevent other people, activities, or responsibilities from infringing on time spent with one another. This can be a difficult one because today most couples both have to work to make ends meet but make time for your spouse and family. Don't look for reasons to be away from them.

5. Forgive one another before walls are built between you. Be honest with your spouse. If your spouse has hurt you in the past, forgive then MOVE ON. You can not move on holding in past hurts and holding grudges. It is impossible. When your spouse confides in you about past hurts or situations, don't go blab them to your girlfriends (or guy friends). Listen to them, thank them for trusting you and let them know you do not judge them for past mistakes.

6. Do not seek revenge from past hurts to retaliate against your spouse. I hate to bust your bubbles but EVERY couple is going to have a disagreement or an argument during there marriage. Tiffany and I have a rule that we try to adhere to but sometimes it is difficult. Anything that has happened 24 hours ago is of limits in any argument or disagreement. This rule helps not bring up past hurts because as you know words hurt worse than physical attacks because you can not take them back after you say them.

7. Last but not least, put God first in your marriage. God should be your highest goal to reach as a couple. How do you do this? You have to love God more than your spouse, more than your parents, even more than your children. This is hard for some but you also have to love God more than money. The Bible tells us that the love of money is the root of all evil, not money is the root of all evil. You have to have money but don't let money have you!

Today is the day to change the direction of your marriage if it heading in the wrong direction. Recommit yourself to your spouse. Rebuild a lasting love relationship with your spouse. Most of all start putting God first in your marriage and you will see a huge difference in how your relationship will grow into the beautiful union that God intended.

This post is linked up on Fellowship Friday and The Weekend Brew! Click on over to discover more enriching Christian posts!

The Sanctity of Marriage: Part 2

The Sanctity of Marriage (continued)

Matthew 19:4-9

Christ said there is the creation of male and female: "God made them [Adam and Eve] male and female" (Matthew 19:4). He did not make them males and females, as He did animals, but He made one male and one female. Each one was made for the other. They were not made for anyone else, for there was no one else.

(19:5) Marriage— Divorce: Christ said there is the creation of a new family: "A man [shall] leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife" (Matthew 19:5). One man shall cleave to his wife and create a new family distinct from the family of his parents. He says a man, not men, and his wife, not wives. Note that a man leaves his father and mother. The union between husband and wife is to gain primacy over the union between parent and child. The union of cleaving is wrought by God and appointed by God. Therefore marriage is a divine institution. Just as parents and children are not to divorce one another, neither are the husband and wife to divorce each other.

Deeper thought

A Father, mother, and child comprise a unit, a family. However, Christ said father and mother are there when the child leaves. And the child (man) leaves to "cleave to his wife." There is no thought, not even a hint of separation in this statement. It is unquestionably a statement of God's purpose for father, mother, and child. The structure of the family is the means by which man is to carry out the purposes of God on earth. Divorce, tearing down the structure of the family, is not the purpose of God. The structure of a family—father, mother, and child—is the purpose of God.

(19:5-6) Marriage— Divorce: Christ said there is the creation of one body: "A man...shall cleave to his wife and they twain [two] shall be one flesh" (Matthew 19:5). There is the molding into one person. The man and the wife cleave to each other: "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh." What is it that makes them one flesh? Cleaving. They are one body, one flesh, one person. They are not joined to two or three or four other persons, but they cleave only to one other person.

Christ also says that a marriage joined together by Him is not to be destroyed by any man. "A man...shall cleave to his wife...wherefore [cleaving] they are no more twain, but one flesh [joined together by God]. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:5).

The points are clear.

1.  The cleaving husband and wife are joined together by God.

2.  No one is to cut asunder what God joins together. Neither the husband or wife nor anyone else is to step in between the two and cause separation.

Deeper thought

Note something of critical importance. By cleaving Christ does not mean what is often thought or pictured: cleaving does not mean taking hold of a wife by civil contract, embracing, or sexual union.

Note the words...

•  "cleaving"

•  "one flesh"

•  "what God hath joined together"

Spouses who are obedient to Christ by cleaving to each other—in all of their being and life, not only physically, but also spiritually—are the ones who become one flesh. They are the ones whom God joins together. A civil contract does not bind people together, neither does embracing and neither does sex. Only God can bind a couple together spiritually, and He does so because a couple is obedient to Him. He rewards and blesses obedience, not disobedience.

Note how the power of God is infused into a couple who obeys Him. He causes their cleaving to bind them so closely together they are as one person.

 (19:7-8) Marriage— Divorce: there is the ideal of permanence in marriage. The Pharisees had entrapped Jesus, or so they thought. Jesus had given four reasons why there was to be no divorce. He was standing against Moses. In their view Moses had given a commandment that allowed divorce (Matthew 19:7). Jesus says three things about the ideal of marriage.

1.  Moses made a concession.

2.  The reason: man's hard, sinful hearts.

3.  Divorce was never willed and was not the purpose of God.

Note three important facts.

1)  God's will for marriage was permanence. Divorce was permitted under Moses, but it was not God's will. It was sin, short of God's will and purpose.

2)  The cause for divorce is said to be hardness of heart—a very serious indictment.

3)  The union of marriage is not brought about by a natural law but by God. Marriage is not a law of nature, inherent within man. It is not something that operates by nature, that just happens because two people agree to live together and sign a civil contract. A true union or marriage that is joined together by God is a blessing, a gift of God. It is brought about because a couple is obedient to God. They live in and for each other under God (acknowledging God in all things), just as He says to live ("cleaving"). Therefore, God blesses them by joining them together in the most binding spiritual union.

It bears repeating: marriage is not a natural law; it is not a law of nature; it is a spiritual law that operates only if each spouse walks in the Spirit.

(19:9) Marriage— Divorce: there is the allowance for divorce—fornication. Christ says, "Whosoever puts away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another commiteth adultery...." (Matthew 19:9).

•  There is one clear reason for divorce: adultery.

Before Christ came into the world, adultery was punishable by death. Since Christ has come, the penalty has been changed. Divorce itself is to be the punishment, not death. (What an impact this change of law has made on societies in the past! How much it is needed in some parts of the world even today! Compassion is the answer to sin, not anger and wrath.)

Note the importance and high esteem that Christ places upon sex within marriage. It is so intimate and meaningful and important an experience that if it is violated, divorce is allowed. Note however: Christ did not say that divorce must take place. It is only allowed. If the couple has been living in Him and blessed by Him and the violated spouse cannot emotionally accept the unfaithfulness, divorce can take place. But if the offended spouse can forgive—if he or she can be emotionally controlled and forgiving enough to forgive—then the spouse should forgive.