Monday, May 25, 2015
How To Love A Spouse Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted
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Monday, May 11, 2015
Be A Beautiful Wife Inside AND Out
Saturday, April 25, 2015
"Til death do us part"...It is not a cliche'
"Til death do us part"...
It is not a cliche'
The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding. A successful marriage does not just happen. It takes alot of hard work...and commitment.
It is not uncommon to discover that while one spouse has struggled with leaving, the other spouse may find it difficult to cleave. And certain challenges may emerge at different stages in a marriage.
Here is the key passage on marriage in the Bible:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Let us learn what the word "cleave" means in the Hebrew language:
To cling
to follow hard
stick together
to abide
to adhere
This reminds me of the first time I used Krazy Glue. My mother told me not to get it on my hands but being the stubborn, hard headed child that I was mixed with a bit of curiosity did not listen to her heeding. I spent a few hours and a lot of pain trying to separate my thumb and forefinger from each other.
The word cleave in this context literally means to stick together but not temporarily...permanently like gluing two broken pieces to make one.
So why is divorce so prevalent in today's society? I believe it is because of two problems: one or both of the couple never really left and one or both of the couples never cleft. You MUST do BOTH to have a successful marriage.
In closing I would like to leave you with 7 ways to help a couple to be successful in cleaving to one another:
1. Make a commitment to one another for life. Agree that divorce is not an acceptable option and choose to work out disagreements and difficult situations.
2. Reserve the expression of your sexuality only within your marriage. Don't go looking for new and exciting, make your own new and exciting.
3. Be content with what you have and do not try to live above what you can afford. Most marriages end over two things and one of them is MONEY. Don't take on more debt than you can afford and quit trying to keep up with the Joneses. They are not as happy as they appear.
4. Make an effort to prevent other people, activities, or responsibilities from infringing on time spent with one another. This can be a difficult one because today most couples both have to work to make ends meet but make time for your spouse and family. Don't look for reasons to be away from them.
5. Forgive one another before walls are built between you. Be honest with your spouse. If your spouse has hurt you in the past, forgive then MOVE ON. You can not move on holding in past hurts and holding grudges. It is impossible. When your spouse confides in you about past hurts or situations, don't go blab them to your girlfriends (or guy friends). Listen to them, thank them for trusting you and let them know you do not judge them for past mistakes.
6. Do not seek revenge from past hurts to retaliate against your spouse. I hate to bust your bubbles but EVERY couple is going to have a disagreement or an argument during there marriage. Tiffany and I have a rule that we try to adhere to but sometimes it is difficult. Anything that has happened 24 hours ago is of limits in any argument or disagreement. This rule helps not bring up past hurts because as you know words hurt worse than physical attacks because you can not take them back after you say them.
7. Last but not least, put God first in your marriage. God should be your highest goal to reach as a couple. How do you do this? You have to love God more than your spouse, more than your parents, even more than your children. This is hard for some but you also have to love God more than money. The Bible tells us that the love of money is the root of all evil, not money is the root of all evil. You have to have money but don't let money have you!
Today is the day to change the direction of your marriage if it heading in the wrong direction. Recommit yourself to your spouse. Rebuild a lasting love relationship with your spouse. Most of all start putting God first in your marriage and you will see a huge difference in how your relationship will grow into the beautiful union that God intended.
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Sunday, April 19, 2015
Do Your "Rules" of Marriage Show A Lack of Trust?
Knowing the Passwords or Sharing Social Media Accounts
I'm actually on the fence about this one. This is something that Billy and I have actually struggled with in our own marriage. When we first got together I was still hurting emotionally from the previous relationship and I was insecure about my relationship with Billy. I loved him so much and I didn't want to lose him but I couldn't get the past out of my head. I was making my darling husband pay for some other man's mistakes. While I was trying to keep our relationship together, I was unknowingly tearing it apart because I was showing Billy that I didn't trust him. And that I didn't respect his privacy. I could have lost my relationship with my husband because I was so worried about who he was talking to and what they were talking about instead of showing my love for him.
But it is something I'm on the fence about because the argument goes something like this: "If you're not doing anything wrong, then you have nothing to hide." and the counter argument to that is: "If you really trusted me then you wouldn't need to see every thing I'm doing when you're not around." I personally feel like this whole situation just sets you up for trouble. You and your husband should have a conversation about social media. You should lay out what you expect from your partner as far as behavior on social media and you should always, always, always remember that no matter what you post, because you are now One, it will reflect on the other. Be respectful of what you post and how you post it.
Keeping A Certain Distance from Persons of the Opposite Sex
It's not Biblical.
It teaches young men that they have no control over their lustful urges because of immodest women (which paints women as villains) and it teaches young women to be ashamed of their bodies. Read that again. Not only are you making the woman the "bad guy" like I did when my boyfriend cheated on me instead of making him take responsibility for his actions but you're also teaching young women to be ASHAMED of what GOD has created!
You're setting your husband and your sons up for "Well, I couldn't help myself," if they actually act on their lustful urges instead of "Please forgive me for my wrongdoings," And you're teaching yourself and your daughters that if a man lusts after you that it is YOUR fault. It is YOUR fault that a man, knowing better, looked at you with a lustful spirit. And then begins a lifetime of self-shame and self-hatred. "Well, if I hadn't worn that shirt," or "If I hadn't worn my hair or makeup that way." Or when your husband cheats on you or your sons cheat on their wives, "Well, if she hadn't been dressed like that," or "She lured him in because of what she was wearing." A man with a poor moral compass will take that and run with it. Why wouldn't he? He's not responsible for his actions! He's not responsible for how that woman makes him feel because of the way SHE dressed!
So you have your husband and sons covering their eyes and averting their gaze any time they see a beautiful woman. This will make it easy for you to see what kind of woman your husband thinks is beautiful because he surely can't look at the ground or cover his eyes at the sight of every woman. He'd run into things! He'd be a hazard to those around him! But then, once you're aware of the kind of woman that your husband averts his gaze from, you become jealous because he ISN'T looking at her! "If he isn't looking at her he must think she's prettier than me." And then continues the cycle of insecurity, jealous, and broken trust.
Let's go back to what you're teaching your daughters...
God created her and every other woman, including you. He molded each and every woman carefully and with purpose. And every single woman on this Earth is beautiful. Maybe not all women meet society's standards of beautiful; I know I don't, but I, along with every other woman, am still beautiful because I was made in HIS image. How dare we teach women to be ashamed of the wonderful body that God gave her? A body that can grow, protect, and sustain life! I'm not saying that she should parade it around naked like Lady Godiva but she shouldn't have to cover up just because YOU cannot trust your husband not to look at her with lust in his heart. She should not have to feel ashamed just because someone else cannot control their flesh.
This "rule" ties in with the movie thing. It's not about Biblical principles or making your marriage stronger, it's about control. If you have to control who your spouse talks to and who they even LOOK at, your marriage already has issues. If you have such little trust in each other that you have to control who your spouse lays their eyes on, then you should have thought a lot harder about getting married before you said "I Do." I would hate to know that my husband trusted me so little that he had to monitor every interaction I had. God doesn't want us to have marriages like that! He wants us to trust in each other and love each other unconditionally! If we spend all of our time monitoring our spouse to make sure they are following these or other rules, then we are not honoring our vows or God, and we are ruining the blessing of marriage that God has given us. Your turning your spouse into an opponent instead of working together. You're constantly waiting for the day when your spouse breaks one of those "rules". And for men, it'll be easy to say "Oops, not my fault." That's the only thing you really get out of this "rule". Your husband gets a "Get Out of Jail Free" card.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Leaving: Saying Good-bye to Your Parents!
LEAVING
So long, See ya later, Good-bye!
What picture comes to mind when you hear these words? Your mom standing on the doorstep with tears welling up in her eyes? Your dad giving you a big, strong hug before you leave? A newly married daughter waving out the window as she is leaving the church?
Although some "good-byes" can be very joyful, they are usually quite emotional. Particularly when it involves a mother and father letting go of their son or daughter.
God's Word presents clear and concise directions concerning leaving. These Bible study questions are designed to encourage you to consider how Biblical principles could have personal application to you in your marriage.
Mark 10:6-10 (The Message)
6 In the original creation, God made male and female to be together.
7 Because of this, a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage
8 he becomes one flesh with a woman—no longer two individuals, but forming a new unity.
9 Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."
10 When they were back home, the disciples brought it up again.
6 In the original creation, God made male and female to be together.
7 Because of this, a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage
8 he becomes one flesh with a woman—no longer two individuals, but forming a new unity.
9 Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."
10 When they were back home, the disciples brought it up again.
1. Since when has "leaving" been part of God's design for marriage?
2. Why does the newly married couple need to leave their parents?
3. What did "leaving involve in your marriage?
4. If you had to leave all over again, what would you do differently?
We will more go more in-depth on the subject of cleaving in my next post
In order to have a successful marriage a husband and wife has to LEAVE their father and mother and CLEAVE to each other. This is an important biblical principle that is left out of the pulpits in churches today that needs to be addressed. Once a couple is successful in doing this then and only then can the two become one flesh.
We will more go more in-depth on the subject of cleaving in my next post
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
The Sanctity of Marriage: Part 2
The Sanctity of Marriage (continued)
Christ said there is the creation of male and female: "God made them [Adam and Eve] male and female" (Matthew 19:4). He did not make them males and females, as He did animals, but He made one male and one female. Each one was made for the other. They were not made for anyone else, for there was no one else.
(19:5) Marriage— Divorce: Christ said there is the creation of a new family: "A man [shall] leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife" (Matthew 19:5). One man shall cleave to his wife and create a new family distinct from the family of his parents. He says a man, not men, and his wife, not wives. Note that a man leaves his father and mother. The union between husband and wife is to gain primacy over the union between parent and child. The union of cleaving is wrought by God and appointed by God. Therefore marriage is a divine institution. Just as parents and children are not to divorce one another, neither are the husband and wife to divorce each other.
Deeper thought
A Father, mother, and child comprise a unit, a family. However, Christ said father and mother are there when the child leaves. And the child (man) leaves to "cleave to his wife." There is no thought, not even a hint of separation in this statement. It is unquestionably a statement of God's purpose for father, mother, and child. The structure of the family is the means by which man is to carry out the purposes of God on earth. Divorce, tearing down the structure of the family, is not the purpose of God. The structure of a family—father, mother, and child—is the purpose of God.
(19:5-6) Marriage— Divorce: Christ said there is the creation of one body: "A man...shall cleave to his wife and they twain [two] shall be one flesh" (Matthew 19:5). There is the molding into one person. The man and the wife cleave to each other: "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh." What is it that makes them one flesh? Cleaving. They are one body, one flesh, one person. They are not joined to two or three or four other persons, but they cleave only to one other person.
Christ also says that a marriage joined together by Him is not to be destroyed by any man. "A man...shall cleave to his wife...wherefore [cleaving] they are no more twain, but one flesh [joined together by God]. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:5).
The points are clear.
1. The cleaving husband and wife are joined together by God.
2. No one is to cut asunder what God joins together. Neither the husband or wife nor anyone else is to step in between the two and cause separation.
Deeper thought
Note something of critical importance. By cleaving Christ does not mean what is often thought or pictured: cleaving does not mean taking hold of a wife by civil contract, embracing, or sexual union.
Note the words...
• "cleaving"
• "one flesh"
• "what God hath joined together"
Spouses who are obedient to Christ by cleaving to each other—in all of their being and life, not only physically, but also spiritually—are the ones who become one flesh. They are the ones whom God joins together. A civil contract does not bind people together, neither does embracing and neither does sex. Only God can bind a couple together spiritually, and He does so because a couple is obedient to Him. He rewards and blesses obedience, not disobedience.
Note how the power of God is infused into a couple who obeys Him. He causes their cleaving to bind them so closely together they are as one person.
(19:7-8) Marriage— Divorce: there is the ideal of permanence in marriage. The Pharisees had entrapped Jesus, or so they thought. Jesus had given four reasons why there was to be no divorce. He was standing against Moses. In their view Moses had given a commandment that allowed divorce (Matthew 19:7). Jesus says three things about the ideal of marriage.
1. Moses made a concession.
2. The reason: man's hard, sinful hearts.
3. Divorce was never willed and was not the purpose of God.
Note three important facts.
1) God's will for marriage was permanence. Divorce was permitted under Moses, but it was not God's will. It was sin, short of God's will and purpose.
2) The cause for divorce is said to be hardness of heart—a very serious indictment.
3) The union of marriage is not brought about by a natural law but by God. Marriage is not a law of nature, inherent within man. It is not something that operates by nature, that just happens because two people agree to live together and sign a civil contract. A true union or marriage that is joined together by God is a blessing, a gift of God. It is brought about because a couple is obedient to God. They live in and for each other under God (acknowledging God in all things), just as He says to live ("cleaving"). Therefore, God blesses them by joining them together in the most binding spiritual union.
It bears repeating: marriage is not a natural law; it is not a law of nature; it is a spiritual law that operates only if each spouse walks in the Spirit.
(19:9) Marriage— Divorce: there is the allowance for divorce—fornication. Christ says, "Whosoever puts away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another commiteth adultery...." (Matthew 19:9).
• There is one clear reason for divorce: adultery.
Before Christ came into the world, adultery was punishable by death. Since Christ has come, the penalty has been changed. Divorce itself is to be the punishment, not death. (What an impact this change of law has made on societies in the past! How much it is needed in some parts of the world even today! Compassion is the answer to sin, not anger and wrath.)
Note the importance and high esteem that Christ places upon sex within marriage. It is so intimate and meaningful and important an experience that if it is violated, divorce is allowed. Note however: Christ did not say that divorce must take place. It is only allowed. If the couple has been living in Him and blessed by Him and the violated spouse cannot emotionally accept the unfaithfulness, divorce can take place. But if the offended spouse can forgive—if he or she can be emotionally controlled and forgiving enough to forgive—then the spouse should forgive.
Monday, April 13, 2015
The Sanctity of Marriage: Part 1
The questions regarding marriage and divorce are always burning questions; extremely controversial within societies heavily influence by Christian teaching. Opinions vary and interpretations differ. There is always the closed view that says divorce is never allowed by God no matter the cruelty and meanness that may exist. And there is always the more open view that says divorce is allowed if the rift between a couple is not reconciled and causes more damage than good.
Christ gave guidelines concerning divorce. Some believe it to be the unpardonable sin and some use is as an escape rout to get out of a situation that may not be what they expected at the time of their marriage.
Instead of focusing on the why and the what that caused such a serious decision to be made, let's focus on the people involved in this no-win situation.
I believe that it is wrong not to face the issues of marriage and divorce, no matter the different opinions and practices of society. Why?
There are always a large number of divorced people. Many of these people need help; desperately need help. Their faith, hope, security, children, and their whole lives have been drastically affected. If believers, God's people, do not open their hearts to them, then a great opportunity to reach out and help them grow in Christ is missed.
Now that Christ did: He spoke up and taught about the issue and the issue was as controversial in His day as it has been in succeeding generations.
The same two attitudes toward Christ prevail in every generation: there are those who sincerely seek the help of Christ; and then there are those who are always testing and questioning Him, stretching every inch they can out of the world and the flesh. They question and question, and by their questioning they are able to create uncertainty and doubt over right and wrong. They are able to live as they wish.
Note the question asked, "Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?" The flesh says no matter how frivolous -- if there is displeasure, disgust, dislike -- then divorce is allowed. But is it?
Read Part 2 Here
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